Never, ever love thy neighbour
by idioticonion
Summary: What if Robin had been just a tiny bit more perceptive during Benefits?
1. Chapter 1

Never, ever _love_ thy neighbour.

"You know what a romantic he is," Robin says, her arms crossed protectively in from of her. She cares about Ted, she really does, but she can't stop him being such a- a _Ted_ - about everything. Really, she wouldn't change him even if she could. "He can't separate the physical from the emotional. He's all like-"

"I love you," Barney interrupts, plaintively.

"Exac- hold on. What?" Robin double-takes. "I'm sorry?"

Barney sighs, closing his eyes briefly. "I'm in love with you."

She stares at him for a beat and he looks so serious that her brain reacts, bouncing off and careening off in the opposite direction. She begins to laugh. "I'm _sorry_? You're _what_?"

"I'm in love with you…" He kind-of sags, hopelessly, but she can't stop herself with the damn reflexive, nervous laugh. She even chortles a bit.

"No… no wait, Barney… you can't…"

He pushes past her, his expression twisted and angry. She stumbles out of the way, caught off balance. He's caught her off guard. There's no way in this reality that he actually said what he just said. There's no way that actually just happened.

The door slams with a painful finality.

*--*--*

When Lily arrives at McLaren's, Barney is alone at their usual booth. He's sitting, head bowed and hands outstretched in front of him, turning a tumbler of scotch between his palms. He looks like he's praying.

Lily sits herself down in front of him, plagued by the same feeling of worry that's nagged at her since his appearance in her kindergarten class the previous day. "You okay, honey?" She asks.

Slowly, he lifts his head, looking up. He blinks, once, but there's an emptiness in his gaze that she's never seen before, even when he's been at his most crazed over Robin. Lily knows intuitively what has happened. She's kind of dreaded it since Marshall called her about getting Feely the Share Bear back for her. She lifts her bag on to the table and pulls out the small stuffed toy, handing it over solemnly to him. He takes it and pulls it in to his chest, wrapping both arms around it.

"You told her, didn't you?" Lily prompts him."You told Robin?"

He nods, and for a moment, he doesn't speak. She thinks that perhaps he's going to jitter or go into one of those nervous ticks. But then he clears his throat and says: "She laughed." His voice cracks on the second word so he says it again. "She laughed at me, Lil."

Lily's heart breaks for him in that moment. She can see his eyes fill with tears even as he tries to fight it, tries to fight the impulse to break down in front of her. "Oh god, baby… I'm so sorry." She reaches across the table for him but he's still hugging the bear as if his life depends on it. "But… perhaps she thought you were joking? Perhaps…?"

"No."

The way he says the word scares her a little. It's the surety in his voice, the way it speaks volumes more than a single tiny word should ever be capable of expressing.

"But…" Lily tries desperately to try and think of something positive that she can say. "Okay, well, at least you know, right? That's gotta be a good thing."

He quirks an eyebrow and gives her a half-smirk. "It's a good thing that she _laughed_ at me? Boy, Aldrin, that's cold."

She shuts her mouth and swallows. She's trying to help him but it seems like everything she says is just like she's throwing burning pitch over the castle wall of his emotional defences. She should be supporting him and instead all she can do is sit and watch him burn.

"I didn't mean it like that, Barney. I just meant that you could- you can-" What does she mean? _That you can stop pining over her because she's never going to want you? You can stop clinging to that tiny shred of hope?_

But it's all to fresh, too raw for him. She can see the agony he's carrying; that he knows he has to carry. She's been there. She's felt that crushing weight of rejection and she bleeds for him.

And he's always been there for her.

"Look, there's nothing I can say that will make the pain go away," she says quietly. "But I can sit here with you and I can buy you drinks and…" She smiles. "And you can maybe keep the Share Bear for a while…"

His shoulders sag and he lets go of Feely, holding the little toy out towards her with a shaking hand. "S'okay. Don't need it."

Because he's got nothing left to share, she guesses.

So all she can do _is_ to sit with him and buy him drinks and for a while she's happy just to watch them slowly numbing his pain, willing her strength into him so that he can survive this.

And then Robin and Ted arrive.

*--*--*

Ted gestures to Robin to slide into the booth, to take her usual place next to Barney. There's a merest hint of hesitation on her part and Ted is about to sit down when Marshall claps him on the shoulder. "Hey dude!" Marshall says, cheerfully. The big man collapses on the bench next to his wife with a grin. "Who's buying the beer?"

The weird thing is that the next thing that happens is over in seconds but to Ted it seems like hours - because he sees everything. He's watching Barney because it's a great new sport, seeing how his friend reacts to Robin: How he looks at her with such adoration and how she's completely oblivious. He's watching Barney so he sees him flinch as Robin sits next to him, sees his expression darken with something indefinable that lowers the temperature in the room by at least ten degrees.

Ted notices Robin's stony expression - there's something hard and unpleasant there. He sees her bristle.

Then Barney's out of his seat like a jack-in-the-box (and that's not out of the ordinary considering Barney's behaviour recently) and Robin doesn't look over or smile indulgently with that familiar confused expression on her face.

Barney bypasses the bar and heads out the door. That's weird, even for him.

Marshall watches him go with something like concern. Lily looks as though she's about to cry. Ted puts two and two together and, for once, he comes up with four.

"He told you, didn't he?" He says, turning to Robin. He's forgetting the obvious fact that: (a) Barney's never actually admitted out loud he has feelings for Robin - despite their smattering of bro-telepathy up in the apartment and (b) If he's wrong, no one at the table is going to know what the hell he's talking about.

But Robin slumps against the back of the booth. She looks angry.

"Yeah," Lily says, breaking the awkward silence. "He told her all right. And she laughed at him."

The atmosphere at their table morphs from awkward to hostile in an instant. Marshall looks from Ted to Lily then back to Robin.

"Okay, you guys. I have no idea what's going on but could someone please explain. Starting with you," Marshall points to Ted, "then you," to Lily, "then you," he says, indicating Robin.

Lily nods at Ted then looks away miserably. She's holding a toy teddy bear in one hand. Ted feels strangely cold inside - horrible, not at all like how he'd felt when he'd realised Barney had this crush. There is so much tension in the air that he lets out a nervous half-laugh. "It's silly really. Barney- I think that Barney has feelings for Robin. He's- He might be in love with Robin. I think he told you. He told you, didn't he?" Ted stares at Robin pointedly.

Marshall laughs and Robin looks up at him, raising her hands.

"Which was Robin's reaction!" Lily interjects. "She laughed at him. He told her he loves her and she just laughed at him!"

"Well who wouldn't?" Robin says, her voice strident. "Marshall just did! This is stupid. It's _Barney_! Barney doesn't _do_ feelings."

"Robin!" Lily brings her up short, using her most intimidating teacher-tone. "You _know_ that he does. He's been there for all of us, again and again." She looks around for support from Marshall and Ted.

"Yeah, as _friends_…" Marshall says. "Look guys, I hate to side with Robin on this but I can't believe that Barney's capable of having a relationship with anyone of the female persuasion beyond a couple of hours in the sack. You know how he treats women."

"Women, yes! Not Robin!" Ted argues.

"What none of you know," Lily interrupts before Marshall can say a word, "is that Barney's been like this since… well, it's been months! He confided in me at the end of the summer. Remember that first day he got out of rehab, when were all came down to the bar to celebrate and he started laughing hysterically at everything Robin said?"

Robin nods, shrugging. "Yeah, we did think that was weird."

"Well," Lily continues, "he told me then that he was in love with you," she bobs her head towards Robin, "only, he was sure that you didn't see _him_ like that. He was terrified to say anything because he didn't want to lose you as a friend. And he was sure that if he _did_ say anything that he'd get exactly the reaction you gave him…" She glares at Robin as if she can slap her across the face just with the power of her mind.

Robin seems to be thinking about something, Ted realises. Probably doing exactly the same thing that he did when he realised what was up with Barney - going through all her memories of him over these past few months and filling in the gaps with this new knowledge, re-evaluating things.

"Oh," she says, then, "but… No! No, this is ridiculous, Lily. I can't believe that any of you are taking this seriously. I know Barney! I know him better than any of you, believe me. He does _not_ do this! He doesn't do girlfriends or romance or any of that stuff. He does _awesome_ and suits and scotch and one night stands. This is all just some kind of 'bit'!"

Ted sighs. "You're wrong." He tries to be gentle but his voice betrays his frustration.

"Ted-!"

"Robin, you're wrong. There are certain things that Barney feels deeply. And if you can't see that then it says more about _you_ than it does about him."

Robin gets to her feet, glaring at him, her cheeks flushed crimson. "I can't believe you're all falling for this! I'm- I'm going upstairs and when all of you idiots wake up, you'll know where I'll be."

Ted puts out a hand to stop her but she gathers her things and runs, taking the exact same route that Barney took, minutes before.

"Well," Marshall said, putting one arm around Lily's shoulder. "That went well…"


	2. Chapter 2

Why should she feel guilty? What the hell did they all expect her to do? Barney had stood there, looking like the last runt in the litter and saying… stuff… to her - blurting out that he loves her like some kind of "Ted" and it had seemed so stupid.

Now all Robin feels an ache in the pit of her stomach - but it's not guilt. No! That's just hunger. She's hungry, that's all. She was ravenous earlier but somehow the feeling got stuck in her throat when Barney stormed out of the apartment.

Now she feels an unfamiliar sense of dread. She kind-of wants the others to come up to the apartment and talk this through but, on the other hand, she doesn't want Lily's accusing stares and Ted's grandstanding romantic ideals and Marshall's misplaced need to defend her. She doesn't need defending. She hasn't done anything wrong.

This is all Barney's fault.

And she still believes, deep down, that it's some kind of 'bit'. She believes it right up until the moment she gets a text from him. Her phone beeps in her hand just as she's going to weaken and call Ted.

All the message says is: "Sorry"

It's the worst thing he could have said. Because if this _was_ all a joke or an elaborate prank then he would have put in a smiley face (a kind of weird, teenage affectation that always makes her laugh) or put something lewd. He'd have been _Barney_.

Was it really possible that she'd hurt his feelings?

She brings up Ted's number on her cellphone, ready to ring him before she realises that she's gotten Barney's by mistake. Freudian slip? Slamming her phone shut, she shivers. Her heart is racing strangely.

But it's not guilt. She's got nothing to be sorry for.

Barney's the one who has apologised. He's practically admitting that this whole thing is his fault.

And great… now she's not hungry any more.

*--*--*

Ted comes home about an hour later to find her sitting miserably on the couch, draining her third glass of wine.

"I should call Barney," she splutters.

But Ted snatches the phone out of her hand an darts out of her reach. "What are you going to say?"

"Hey, give that back!"

"Robin…!"

"I don't know! I guess I've got to say something. Unless you think he'll just, like, get over it?"

Ted sighs in exasperation. "Robin, he's really hurt. Lily said she's never seen him so down." And even Ted can tell, from those few brief seconds before Barney launched himself out of the bar, that that was no regular Barney-tantrum. This isn't like the time when he'd lost his Get Psyched mix CD. This wasn't like the numerous times they'd teased him or called him Swarley. This was something they couldn't joke about.

Robin waves at him to give back the phone. "So I should apologise?"

"No!" Ted says. "I mean... no, don't be nice to him, just because you're feeling awkward. Don't lead him on. Don't make him believe that he might have a chance with you. Please Robin, don't sit there and slowly torture the poor guy to death with empty hope." He watches her carefully but doesn't see the reaction he was hoping for. He was hoping for a glimmer of doubt in her eyes, a shred of confusion. He was hoping that he'd see her questioning her own feelings. After all, she and Barney are perfect for each other. How can she not realise that?

But all she does is shrug. "Okay."

Ted tosses her the phone. "Yeah, _okay_. You say what you want, ice queen."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She glares at him.

"You know what I mean. You've ripped a guy's heart out tonight and you're acting like you just don't care!" His voice has risen in pitch but he no longer cares.

"Ted, it's _Barney_! How is everyone forgetting this important fact?"

"Robin, Barney's one of your _best friends_! How can you be so unfeeling? Even if you don't want a relationship with him, you should at least care that you've lost his friendship, not to mention that you've put a depth charge under your own circle of friends."

"Yeah, like you cared about _that_ last spring when you wouldn't talk to him for three months!" Robin stands up, hands on her hips, her eyes flashing.

"This isn't about me! Stop trying to deflect!"

They are nose to nose now, yelling at each other. Robin takes a step back, panting. "Look, Ted…" She runs a hand through her hair with a nervous laugh. "Let's just have sex and we'll deal with this in the morning?"

Ted shakes his head. "Robin, I'm not going to have sex with you. Maybe when you stop being such a grinch about this, I'll try being friends with you!"

Only he didn't say "grinch".

*--*--*

Barney shows up at the Dowistrepla apartment, way after midnight. Lily's still awake, curled up on the couch, wrapped in Marshall's oversized bathrobe and drinking cocoa. Marshall is fast asleep, of course. Her husband could sleep through a hurricane and alien invasion combined. Well, perhaps not an alien invasion…

Barney's red-eyed and broken. His fists are bleeding and bruised although, other than that, he doesn't look injured at all. Lily wonders what on earth he's been doing as she leads him towards the kitchen, running his knuckles under the cold water until his teeth start chattering.

"You wanna stay here tonight, sweetie?" She asks him, gently. She can recognise that desperate "I don't want to be alone" expression when she sees it. She wonders, vaguely, why he didn't just pick up a bimbo. But then, she realises, she's never really totally understood him.

He nods silently, like a child, and she helps him make up the sofa with a bundle of cushions and a rug, trying to coax him to lie down.

"You want some cocoa?" She asks him.

He nods, dull-eyed and unsmiling.

While she's out of the room, he removes his suit and shirt, drapes them carefully over the back of the sofa and wraps himself up in the rug so that everything below his nose is covered.

When Lily returns with his mug, he looks half-dead, like a drowned rat. "I put something extra in it," she says, handing him the cup. "Help you sleep?"

He nods gratefully, gulping the liquid.

Lily can't help it. When she sees a kid in pain, she has to help the poor sucker. Barney's really only a big kid at heart. She strokes his hair, whispering soothing words. She wishes he'd say something lewd to her, crack some joke. She wishes he was stronger. He's always been so strong.

And as Lily watches him fall asleep, she hates Robin with a passion.

*--*--*

Robin is up awake long before dawn. She can't sleep but she's too cold to get up. The apartment is freezing. It'll be hours until the heating kicks in.

She feels… weird. Unsettled. The last words Ted screamed at to her are still ringing in her ears: "Robin, you've spent so much time convincing yourself that Barney doesn't feel anything for you that you've never stopped to think about if you feel anything for him!"

She doesn't feel anything for Barney. Well, she feels a mild sense of annoyance and irritation. These past two weeks he's been acting crazy - like a clown on acid. It's been jarring and strange and she's just wanted him to snap out of it. She's just wanted her friend back. And she's been so wrapped up in this friends-with-benefits thing with Ted that she's just not been able to give a damn about Barney's weirdness or the reasons behind it.

(Some deep dark part of her realises this was selfish. Some part of her wonders how Barney survived the past two weeks)

Besides, Barney had his chance. At Ted's wedding she's was already poised for a "benefits"-style relationship. She would have happily had one with Barney. She was _going_ to have one with him. She'd bought along the good scotch and a sob-story about her job in Japan and he should have been putty in her hands.

Only he wasn't.

He was hooking up with another girl. Because that's what Barney did.

And that didn't hurt her, oh no (perhaps a little bit), it didn't make any difference. It just showed her that you couldn't rely on anyone. Not friends, not family, not boyfriends, not anyone.

You could only rely on yourself.

(And she knows this is a lie and that she really, really needs to talk to someone but she's trying to talk herself out of it).

She stares at the ceiling for, like, an hour before giving up and getting out of bed. Thankfully, Ted's left for work. It's early, even for him, but at least she won't have to endure his baleful stare When did Ted start doing this BFF thing with Barney anyways? When did those two get so close?

(She kind-of resents it. She's kind-of jealous).

She fixes herself some cereal and manages to choke down a couple of spoonfuls before pulling on a coat and heading out. She hops on a train, not paying much attention to where she's going but she somehow, inevitably, ends up at Marshall and Lily's. She's about to knock on their door when she wonders if either of them will be home.

She steels herself and knocks anyway. There's no answer so she knocks again, more loudly, rapping her knuckles so hard on the wood that she hurts herself. The pain steadies her, somehow, focuses her.

Then _he_ opens the door.

She gapes at him, wondering what in the hell he's doing there. She feels angry and wrong-footed but he's standing there and she gets this sickening feeling of déjà vu. He's half-dressed, wearing boxers, his shirt open, his tie draped around his neck. His hair is mussed (sex hair) and he looks tired. Old.

"Can I come in?" She asks gruffly.

He steps back, waving her through, expressionless.

She's almost surprised not to find some naked bimbo in the living room. Even though that wouldn't make sense at all.

No, it would _entirely_ make sense. This is _Barney_. He wasn't above using any of their apartments for a booty call.

He hangs around uncertainly, trying to avoid her eyes and she dithers by the doorway. She needs to talk to someone about him. She needs to know if she should apologise (_how_ she should apologise) before she's ready to talk to him. She doesn't love him (she's confused and guilty), she doesn't need him (she doesn't want to need anyone), she has nothing to say to him (but his eyes… his eyes say everything).

"Robin, I'm sorry…" He says, making the first move. He'll always have to make the first move, she realises, and the knowledge hurts her a little bit. "I didn't mean to-"

She grabs his tie, one end in each hand, and she pulls him into her. He half resists but by the time he's got over the shock she's got one hand around his waist and her lips press against his and they are kissing, kissing angrily and passionately and it's everything she told herself she'd never do with Ted (no feelings, those are against the rules).

He's holding the back of her head, not controlling her, just deepening the kiss, increasing the intensity, pushing down on the accelerator until her head is spinning and she can hardly breathe. He's sucking the air out of her, sucking the life out of her like a wraith - there's desperation in that kiss, and a terrible longing.

Not all of it is from him.

Robin closes her eyes tight, then opens them again to find his - wide and blue and slightly shell-shocked, staring back at her. It doesn't freak her out - it's hypnotic. He holds her close, one hand caressing the small of her back and the kiss goes on and on for long, long minutes.

Then there's a squeal.

"Oh my god!" Lily screams, clapping her hands. She looks crazed then delighted then kind of panicky. "Oh my god!"

Robin tears herself away from Barney's embrace, the world flooding back in on her. "No…" She says, waving one hand in front of her. "No, no, no, no…" She laughs nervously. "No, this was a mistake…"

She whirls around and makes a lunge for the door, head down, cheeks burning, stomach churning and she doesn't look back.

She can't stand to see what she'd done.

She can't stand to witness the wreckage.

She wonders how she'll ever face any of her friends ever again.


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

She can't think, she can't speak, she can't get rid of the lump in her throat and she can barely breathe through the tears. Tears? What in the hell?

Robin pulls out her suitcase from under the bed and begins throwing her clothes in it. She doesn't know or care where she's going. She can't think beyond the soul-crushing, mind numbing…

"Guilt" doesn't even capture a tiny fraction of how she feels.

Robin slams the case closed and the lock jams. She wiggles it and bashes at it with her palms until she realises that she's caught a piece of clothing in the mechanism. She opens the case, shaking with adrenalin, and manages to close and lock it on the third try. Her fingers don't seem to work properly because all she can do is steel herself, trying not to remember-

(she kissed him)

- as she hefts the suitcase, Robin runs out of the apartment, down the staircase and she's out into the street before she has time to catch her breath. Where's a cab? Where's a cab when she needs one? What if Lily comes after her? What if _he_ comes after her?

There's a cab - she flags it, bundling into the back seat, her suitcase and winter coat tangling on her lap so that she can't see the driver. She needs to get to the airport. She has no idea where she's going; just that she has to run and run and keep running because-

(she kissed him)

- she can still taste him. She can still feel his lips on hers and they tingle. She can still feel his heartbeat, his chest pressed tight against her breast, and that _breaks all the rules_.

Because she doesn't love him and she's not crying and she doesn't have any romantic feelings for him at all. She has… something, that maybe goes beyond fondness. She has confusion and loss and loneliness and, damn, just because she's jobless and vulnerable he's playing on that.

He's playing on that with his half-naked-ness and his blonde hair and his blue eyes and his charming smile-

(but he didn't smile)

-and he's manipulating her.

He manipulates everyone and he _feels_ nothing.

Just like her.

Just like her.

*--*--*

Barney smiles, a glint of mania in his eyes, and mutters: "Well, what do you know…?"

He turns around slowly to look at Lily, then swings back again towards the door, as if his body is being pulled by an invisible thread towards where Robin ran out of the apartment a few moments ago.

Lily's heart sinks. She's wanted Barney to tell Robin how he feels for so long. She's built it all up in her mind - the whole romantic conclusion that _must_ inevitably follow his declaration: That Robin should realise that she loves Barney back… that the happy couple would share a tender yet passionate kiss…

Well, at least they got that kiss, Lily thinks.

"She likes me…!" Barney says it almost incredulously, despite all evidence to the contrary. "She _likes_ me…"

"Barney," Lily begins, warningly. "She just ran out of here, saying it was a mistake." She doesn't know if she should laugh or cry. "I can't believe you kissed her!"

Barney whirls around, facing her. "But she kissed _me_ Lil!" He lets out a bark of laughter, spinning around and darting towards Lily, hugging her tightly, lifting her off her feet. "Oh, Lily, Lily, Lily! She _likes_ me… And I have to go after her!"

Lily tries to smile, tries to let herself be infected by his enthusiasm, but she has a very, very bad feeling about this whole thing. "Put me down, sweetie…"

He dumps her down on the floor and makes immediately for the door. She has to grab his arm to stop him.

"Maybe put some clothes on, eh Barney?" She says.

"Clothes, right!" He grabs his pants, pulling them on then buttoning his shirt. But he's not watching what he's doing. His attention is fixed at the door, like a dog, waiting for his master to come home.

"Oh Robin…" Lily thought, shaking her head. This wasn't going to end well.

*--*--*

When he can't find her, Barney leaves Robin about thirty messages and Lily keeps calling her all day until the cellphone answer service fills up. All they get from then on is an annoying beep. When Ted arrives home that evening, he finds Robin's room stripped of her things and so he calls his friends over for a crisis meeting.

"Why does it feel as if we should have the intervention banner hung up right now?" Lily asks in a small voice.

"But the recipient seems to have skipped town for a while." Ted replies, putting a comforting hand on Barney's shoulder. Barney looks up, rubbing his eyes.

"I just wish she'd call, you know?" Barney says and Ted squeezes his shoulder before looking over at Marshall for some telepathic support.

At that moment, Lily's cell phone rings, causing Ted to jump. They all crowd round as Lily squeaks "Robin" and answers it. Barney tries to take the phone out of her hand but Marshall holds him back.

"Slow down, Robin!" Lily says, fumbling with her phone to try and put their friend on speaker. "You're where? But why? Robin, this is stupid. No, of course not honey. Robin- don't!"

Marshall lets Barney go and he lunges for the phone, pressing redial and getting nothing but that annoying beep once again.

Lily sits down heavily on the couch.

"What did she say?" Ted asks, sitting next to her.

"She's gone home. To Canada." Lily replies, tears welling up in her eyes. "She says she's gone back for good."

Barney stares at her for a moment, his fingers tightening around her phone and then he turns and throws it as hard as he can against the wall, smashing it to pieces.

*--*--*

Barney sits in silence, Ted on one side of him, Lily on the other.

"Oh man…" Ted says, handing his friend a beer. "Dude, I am _so_ sorry."

Lily strokes his arm, biting her lip. She guesses she should be angry with Barney about the whole phone thing, but in the circumstances his reaction seemed to her to be entirely reasonable.

"I mean, I've hurt a _lot_ of women over the years," Barney gulps. "But none of them have actually moved to Canada to avoid me." He smiles sadly. "I guess that's karma, huh?"

Lily laughs, although there are tears in her eyes. "It sucks."

Barney and Ted both nod.

"I don't suppose there's a chance…?" Lily asks. "I mean, it's a pretty extreme reaction. If she didn't feel anything for Barney, would she have reacted so strongly?"

Barney's eyes light up with hope so quickly that it's painful. Lily sees Ted scowl at her.

"Dude," Ted says with a sigh. "I hate to say this… and I really do, because I think you and Robin would be great together… But I think I know Robin. And if you chase her down and try and force her to love you, it'll only end badly. You know I'm right, man?"

Barney's face falls and he mutters. "Yeah. Yeah, you-… Yeah."

Lily can see that Ted is resolved. Why does he always have to be the voice of reason? Even though she knows Ted's right, she still feels angry with him for being so blunt about it. "So what should we do?" She asks. "Should we try phoning Robin again?"

Ted shakes his head. "I think we should just leave her alone for a couple of days. Then try again."

Lily sighs. "I guess so. With anyone else, I'd be really worried. But it's Robin, you know? She's just so damn independent." She can see the fresh pain this causes Barney but both he and Ted nod sadly.

However, after a few moments, Marshall stands up and says, loudly, "NO!"

Lily looks up in surprise. "Baby?"

"NO!" Marshall repeats. "Guys, we are _not_ going to let Robin move to Canada. No way! She's our friend and we do not let friends run away to Canada!"

Lily, Ted and Barney sit in stunned silence.

"I'm serious, you guys!" Marshall continues. "I made a promise to her once that if anything bad happened, if she ever even considered moving back to Canada, that I'd follow her and bring her home. I'm not going to back down on that promise!"

Lily began to smile. Marshall was standing a little taller, a little more proudly, lifting his head as he made his speech.

"I'm going to go to get on a plane! And I'm going to go to Canada! And I'm going bring Robin Scherbatsky back to New York City!"

Lily gave him a spontaneous round of applause.

After a minute, Ted spoke up. "I hate to break it to you buddy, but Canada's a big place." Ted said. "How exactly are you going to find her?"

Lily threw a cushion at him. "Way to ruin the moment, Ted!"

*--*--*

Robin sits on the stiff, upholstered sofa in her father's study, feet tucked under her, reading a book. It takes her five minutes to realise she's holding it upside down.

Things are not looking good.

Trouble is, there really is nowhere left to run. She'd showed up at her father's house in the snow, dragging her suitcase down the pitted drive (stupid cab driver refusing to take her up to the door) and she hadn't said a thing to him. The great thing about R.C. Scherbatsky Senior was that he was a man of few words.

This isn't the first time she's asked herself what in the hell she's doing. If she absolutely has to be in Canada right now, why in the hell isn't she in Vancouver or somewhere with a nightlife - not in the middle of the god-damned country?

Going to see her father was probably some kind of subconscious punishment. Some sort of masochistic self-flagellation. She tries not to think about that too closely. After all, she hasn't even had to apologise to her Dad. He just grunts at her when it's time for dinner.

No wonder she has problems dealing with other people's emotions. No wonder she has avoidance issues.

Yeah, and not thinking about things is a great idea. Not thinking about New York, for example. Not thinking about how much she misses it already. Not thinking about how her heart is wrenched out of her chest at the idea of never seeing Lily or Marshall or Ted again.

_Definitely_ not thinking about…

Robin is starting to feeling sleepy when her father appears in the doorway with a look of mild disapproval. Well, she assumes it's disapproval. He pretty-much always looks like that.

"R.J., There's a strange American man at the door. He gave me… these? And said he was '_sorry and can you come back home'_?" Robin's father holds out a small cardboard box with a sneer, as if there's an unpleasant smell in the room.

Robin disentangles herself from the cushions and reaches for the mysterious box. Donuts? _Iced_ donuts? She giggles, a little hysterically, then covers her mouth with her hand. It reminds her of that time a couple of weeks ago, in that tiny Canadian bar that Marshall had found for her… Marshall? She finds herself grinning, despite everything. She should be angry, she knows that. She should be outraged that he'd try and come and drag her back to New York like some sort of run-away child. She should be angry that he stayed true to his word. After all, she doesn't need to be rescued. She never needed anyone to save her…

(But she does. She really does)

"Dad, I'll deal with it," she says, flashing him a confident grin. "I'll get rid of him." Does she really want to get rid of Marshall? Big old Mashall, who hasn't got a mean bone in his body? God, she misses New York… Just to see a friendly, familiar face will be so wonderful. She might even share the donuts with him.

When she gets to the door, her heart falls through the floor and it's all she can do not to drop the cardboard box. The cold air freezes her hands and her face as she watches her visitor standing, shivering, in the doorway.

"Uh, Hi?" He says.

"What are you doing here, Barney?" She says.

The donuts are completely forgotten.

*--*--*

She hadn't meant to sound so hostile. She hadn't meant to be anything at all. But she guesses that the shock of seeing him has jolted her out of her lethargy and blown away any weirdly fuzzy feelings of homesickness she's been experiencing.

Barney follows her into the kitchen. He looks dazed, wrapped up in coat, scarf and gloves, his nose and cheeks still pink from the cold. They stand there, awkwardly looking at each other, until he sighs and pulls off his gloves, gesturing for her to sit down on one of the stools by the breakfast counter.

"I had this speech," he begins, and she grimaces so he gives her a half-smirk that doesn't reach his eyes. "Oh, don't worry, it was totally lame. When I was walking up you're driveway just now - and seriously? How long do Canadian driveways have to _be_? - I realised something…"

Robin sits up straight on the stool, trying to steady her breathing, willing her body to stay in control and not do anything unnecessary like cry or shake.

"I realised," he says, and then he closes his eyes briefly and lets out a brief sigh. "I realised that here, in real life, speeches don't matter. Because that's not me. I'm never gonna be the guy who gets the happy ending, Robin. I'm never gonna be the guy who gets the girl like you. And you know what…?" he smiles sadly. "None of that should matter. Because you have to come home. You have to come back home and be where you belong, with your friends, in the city you love."

He tilts his head and looks at her, seeing her reluctance, seeing everything, it seemed. "And I promise you, Robin, that if you come home, I will never, ever, ever, I swear to god," he looks up at the heavens, "that I will never tell you I love you again, or expect anything from you, or ever hurt you if I can help it." For a moment, just a moment, he looks desperate, but she sees him beat his emotions down. "I know how this works," he chuckles. "I know I'm just too awesome for you. And so you have to come home."

He smiles his charming smile. He's Barney. It's like nothing ever happened.

"Come home, Scherbatsky."

And so she does.

*--*--*

On the plane back to New York they fly first class, they sip champagne and he throws cashew nuts at her. They get stuck in her hair and she laughs at him. She laughs and him and he chuckles and he flirts shamelessly with the "slutty" flight attendant.

But he doesn't disappear off into the first-class restroom.

There's no "mile high club, high five".

He's sweet and funny and dirty when he needs to be and for the whole journey she feels heavy, like she's weighted down, and yet at the same time she's really light-headed. Robin tries to put this down to the cabin pressure and the flight turbulence but after an hour she realises that she's been watching him. She's been watching Barney for any hint of that vulnerability he showed her on the morning at Lily's. She's been searching his eyes for that spark of longing that she glimpsed for a moment when she'd kissed him.

But there is nothing. There had been a window of opportunity open, just for a brief while, and she hadn't even realised it at the time.

For everything Barney had said at her father's house, she admires him. For everything that Barney is, she respects him in a weird way.

She was terrified of losing him and that terror made her crazy for a while. And she was so, so afraid of letting anyone get close to her that she blocked him out. She's been blocking everyone out for a very long time.

And Robin knows, with absolute certainty, that Barney would never, ever, ever (he swore to god) risk their friendship again.

He would never (could never) open himself up to her like that again.

And she would have to go through the rest of her life wondering what she's missed.

THE END


End file.
